come on, really?

9 02 2009

If we only have to work half days until the boat with all of our stuff gets in, does it really have to be the early part of the day? I guess I shouldn’t be complaining, I mean it is a half day after all, but you make it so much more uncomfortable to stay out drinking all night when I still have to get up at 7.  Hangover central…it makes sitting around all morning so miserable.

This past weekend has taught me to steer clear of a few things. Mind erasers, liquid cocaine, and store-front windows.

  1. Mind Erasers – taste like maple syrup and go down smooth. However, don’t be fooled, as they will actually erase your mind.
  2. Liquid Cocaine – THIS HAS JAGER! I absolutely despise jager and any thing associated with it. This includes jager bombs and people obsessed with jager. STAY THE FUCK AWAY!
  3. Store front windows – Kicking these and yelling profanities at the items displayed in said windows will undoubtedly attract law enforcement attention and at minimum a stern yelling at.

Not to mention a 2 day hangover. You learn something new EVERY time.

I enjoy leaving you all in suspense with random details of a story about my friday night. Imagination time.

Off to another tangent, I hate having to deal with car dealerships. My car is having problems right now, and it is still under my extended warranty. Somehow I feel like that doesn’t mean anything to them, like the last time I was there. They seemed to try and play me for a fool, and give me the run-around, and I caught on and took care of that. Cheeky bastards! I called to make an appointment, and gave them my last name, and the woman said “are you Thomas” in a sort-of “we’ll get you this time” tone. I’m going to go in there throwing axes and other sharp objects. OK, maybe they weren’t hostile towards me, but you can never let your guard down!





you can get the body you’ve always dreamed of with a bowflex home gym

4 02 2009

Warning: drunk (thoughts may be random and way off target/stupid). (if thoughts at all)

On second thought…. WARNING: Do Not Read This! (ah, more sense)

Wow, this is the first time I have blogged drunk, welcome to America and thank the lord for spell check.  I just watched a bowflex commercial, didn’t miss those. Guess what, if I had a bowflex in my room, I still wouldn’t work out everyday. I would just drink wine and look at it, wondering why I spent my cash on it. Chuck Norris has a bowflex, I bet it’s packed away in his garage. Fuck chuck norris, and fuck his chin fist. Walker Texas ranger is pretty cool though, I used to watch that show. I wish I was a ranger, I could protect the texas ranger museum and the dr. pepper museum, both in Waco. Waco is for not cool people.

I immediately regret every minute Captain Morgan and I spent together tonight.He is my mortal enemy and my best friend all at the same time. At least my face feels warm. Guess what Captain Morgan, I found a new friend, his name is Sailor Jerry. So once I’m done with you I’m off to the sailor. (this is my official plug for Sailor Jerry Spiced Rum)

Nothing is what it seemed it would be. Everyone hyped up all the little things while we were in Iraq. Now, well….now it just sucks. I never thought i would say this, but i think life was too simple in Iraq. I mean, having a schedule that involved just sleep and work couldn’t be more desirable, unless loved ones were with us, but then again it is Iraq. fuck it. i want to have an easy schedule again, only this time in arizona, and with the one i love, and less stressful and/or demanding. can i have that? please? just email me when you can arrange that for me. please!

i would like to say that i am officially blacking out. i hear a train. fuck trains, they delay traffic and make noise. fuck traffic, it delays me and annoys me. i have a question, how can a small town, like killeen, have worse traffic than any major metropolitan city.

the movie Armageddon was sad. We should hope we never encounter an asteroid that will destroy the human race.

“If you don’t go with Christ, you could end up like that splattered bitch down on the pavement.” -South Park (my IQ has to be less than 5).

If grammar is your forte, then i apologize. It’s mine too, but not when El Capitan is around.

I want to be in a car commercial.

Ikea has really nice home furnishings. I am overly satisfied with their products. Their curtains blow. But the furniture does not blow. Neither do I. No one typing this blog blows. FYI.

I want a fat ass fish in a large ass fish tank to complete my room. Fat ass fish might also be delicious. Ask my GF. She said so, and I agreed.





stress defined

19 01 2009

Stress (noun) – a state of mental or emotional strain or suspense.

A prime example of this definition is being told that no one can tell you how many more days you have left in Iraq. Also, an impression of incompetence from the Air Force, who’s sole mission is to fly planes in and out of here, on a schedule, but they can’t even get that right. How hard can it really be for the Air Force to reserve three flights, which they already fly in and out of here all the time, and let us get the hell out of here. What the fuck! I need to get out of this fucking country, I need to be with the people I love, and I need to go to sleep….

That’s all. Fuck today!





work…..defined

10 01 2009

Work (n.) – exertion or effort directed to produce or accomplish something; one’s place of employment. See Also: Job

Job (n.) – a post of employment; full-time or part-time position; the process or requirements, details, etc., of working.

Hey, I’ve got an idea! Suck it! Fuck work, fuck jobs, fuck employment, I quit!

A classic sign of "I'm about to quit!"

A classic sign of "I'm about to quit!"

Work could better be defined as something that everybody “needs” to do but nobody “wants” to. That’s the obvious fact. A job would better be defined as a place you go where a bunch of other blow holes tell you how they are gonna ruin your day, make you miserable, cause you massive amounts of stress, and not compensate you in any way for any extra troubles!

When you start to do work outside of your job description, or you are working at home in your free time to complete a project uncompensated, then you are no longer working. You are taking it in the ass.  Some things that may be included in the “ass taking” category are being given other associates work loads because they fucked up somewhere and can’t handle it, or possibly being given a project that you know cannot be completed in the time given, but it was already promised to the customer. These are just some random situations where you might be taking one in the ass, or maybe they’re real? Either way, everyone takes it, because we have no choice.

A new method of dealing with work might be to place your boss under something heavy, and assist it in falling on him.

A new method of dealing with work might be to place your boss under something heavy, and assist it in falling on him.

Here is my theory on why work kills people, follow me here people….

A job leads to work, which is what everyone knows and expects. What they don’t expect is that extra work is going to cause added stress. Added stress leads to troubled marriages, especially if both spouses experience added stress. A troubled marriage might lead to a divorce if untreated, because lets face it people, you can’t stay married to save your lives and it makes me sick. Work it out, people disagree sometimes and make mistakes! Ok…back on track, sorry. Now, this divorce will lead to one spouse getting the shaft in court, because people are greedy little bitches. Then the one spouse who got the shaft, might dress like Santa, show up at a Christmas party and light the place up! Just a theory, work = death.

So I quit…. I’m running away to Australia, who’s coming with me?