10 things better….

9 01 2009

I recently had a horrifying experience in the shower, and it didn’t involve cold water. It involved a most unforgettable sight, so I decided to compile this list…

10 Things That Would Be Better Than Seeing A Naked Man Bending Over When You Step Out Of The Shower!

  1. Eating a box of rusty nails.
  2. Playing Monopoly with Accountants and Realtors.
  3. Swimming in a hotel pool that hasn’t been cleaned in a while.
  4. Grinding my fingernails on a chalkboard for all time.
  5. Cleaning Shamus tank at Sea World.
  6. Having to babysit on prom night.
  7. Being chased by a swarm of killer bees.
  8. Rolling my car over into a pile of horse shit.
  9. Shoveling snow in the north pole.
  10. Any and everything else!

I can’t wait to get out of this country, and have a shower all to myself, with hot water.

11 more days.


the combat shower defined

4 01 2009

The combat shower – v. (unofficial)  The act of washing one self in the most inconvenient possible manner. Typically used for water conservation purposes in areas where water is a precious commodity. It involves highly volatile steps to ensure the proper usage of water

I never learned what to do at a yellow stop sign!

I never learned what to do at a yellow stop sign!

The process of taking a combat shower:

  1. Enter shower and turn on water to wet body. 2 minutes max!
  2. Turn water back off.
  3. Wash body with soap, shampoo and other fine self care products. If you have to shave something, sorry!
  4. Turn water back on, rinse.  2 minutes max!
  5. DO NOT REPEAT! I swear, if you repeat….
  6. Get out. Towel dry, or air dry, your choice. I prefer to air dry with the helicopter method, followed by a series of floor slides (reference Tom Cruise in Risky Business)

In this specific case however, the combat shower is enacted in an attempt to maintain enough hot water to last through the day.  However, these attempts are in vain, as nobody is going to willingly take a combat shower if it is not actively being enforced. So, now we have just wasted money on these signs in a futile attempt at comfort. How is a combat shower comfortable in the first place?

I personally prefer to run around and look for hot water at random shower rooms anyway. It’s one of the high points of my day. My ideas, although uneducated and irrelevant, suggest that maybe 2 shower rooms (2 small water heaters and 10 showers each) is not enough for 400+ people. Whatever though, waste money on signs, to save money on showers. I’m out in 17 days…. that’s more exhilarating than any number of cold showers in 30 degree weather!