stress defined

19 01 2009

Stress (noun) – a state of mental or emotional strain or suspense.

A prime example of this definition is being told that no one can tell you how many more days you have left in Iraq. Also, an impression of incompetence from the Air Force, who’s sole mission is to fly planes in and out of here, on a schedule, but they can’t even get that right. How hard can it really be for the Air Force to reserve three flights, which they already fly in and out of here all the time, and let us get the hell out of here. What the fuck! I need to get out of this fucking country, I need to be with the people I love, and I need to go to sleep….

That’s all. Fuck today!





obvious day at camp stupid

17 01 2009

Today, my last day off in the country of Iraq, is also the worst day off in the country of Iraq. Fuck! It started with me spending $70 to send two boxes home, which really, I’m not even sure the shit inside of them was worth $70. Whatever. Follow that up with the longest, most painstaking and worst haircut I have received, EVER! Then, to top it all of, the power was off all morning AGAIN, and I was supposed to be talking to someone important, WTF!!  I can’t fucking stand this place anymore! Thank god I leave in 4 days!

Here’s the deal, if you can’t speak a damn word of English, not one, then why do you even ask me how I want my haircut? You would probably be better off just taking a razor, and going to town with a blindfold. I might feel a little better about that myself. I have to give the guy some credit, I do admire his attention to detail though, even if it was the wrong style. His attention to detail was so precise in fact, it took him 45 minutes to finish my haircut. I watched two other people come and go next to me while I was sitting there.

Aaaaaagh! Shit. OK, I’m done bitching now, I think. I’m gonna go back to enjoying my little german ball covered citrus fruit jellies… they are delicious. Also, i had another banana in my pocket today, just so you all knew. Threw in a kiwi or two also. Now fuck off!





the a/c unit

14 01 2009

This is my short tale of a magical wall hanging air conditioner;

Walking to use the phone at the MWR yesterday, I pulled out my ID card to show to the guard. After his greeting, and my pleasant reply, I walked off toward the building. There is a guard shack in between where I was and the building. I begin to walk around it, glancing up quickly to check the area, and put my head back down to focus on putting my ID back in my pocket. As I looked back up, no sooner, WHAM! Face meets air conditioner. I didn’t bump into it, I didn’t slide around it, I walked directly into it. Face first, full speed, no reaction. Boy did I feel dumb, so dumb in fact, I decided to share.

This isn’t my first a/c unit run in out here either, oh no, don’t be fooled. A few months ago I did the same thing. Only I was running, and my attention was elsewhere. That one hurt a lot worse though, so it’s not as funny!

In closing, God, I appreciate the gesture of miraculously placing air conditioners where they never were before, but please stop putting them in front of me.





10 things better….

9 01 2009

I recently had a horrifying experience in the shower, and it didn’t involve cold water. It involved a most unforgettable sight, so I decided to compile this list…

10 Things That Would Be Better Than Seeing A Naked Man Bending Over When You Step Out Of The Shower!

  1. Eating a box of rusty nails.
  2. Playing Monopoly with Accountants and Realtors.
  3. Swimming in a hotel pool that hasn’t been cleaned in a while.
  4. Grinding my fingernails on a chalkboard for all time.
  5. Cleaning Shamus tank at Sea World.
  6. Having to babysit on prom night.
  7. Being chased by a swarm of killer bees.
  8. Rolling my car over into a pile of horse shit.
  9. Shoveling snow in the north pole.
  10. Any and everything else!

I can’t wait to get out of this country, and have a shower all to myself, with hot water.

11 more days.





my BSOD adventures… and lolcats!

9 01 2009

Yes, that’s right, a blue screen of death. Not just any blue screen of death, “The Blue Screen of Death!!!” Oh I am pissed, this is gonna be either very expensive, very annoying, very time consuming, or all of the above. I’ll go with the latter. Perfect!

It started out as just another normal Wednesday afternoon. The power was out for 12 hours. It came back on finally, right as I was getting ready for bed. I wanted to get online, check emails and messages, browse scandalous pictures, and maybe write another blog, the topic of which I have forgotten in my rage. Everything was working just fine when I clicked on the start menu and BAM! The blue screen of death….

typical bsod situation, it's a technological black cat

typical bsod situation, it's a technological black cat

Granted, my laptop is getting old, it’s been over three years now. It’s just sad to see it come to this. Today is not a good day. Everything is piling up it seems, right at the end! I hope to somehow recover this error, although it seems to be pretty costly. I don’t have any definite answers to go off of. A new windows xp disk will cost upwards of $100, personal hard drive recovery software around $140, and don’t even get me started on the cost of having it professionally recovered. I’d hate to spend the money on one of these only to find that it’s not the problem.

double trouble. lol cats rock!

double trouble. lol cats rock!

Luckily, there was not too much important data on that hard drive, if that turns out to be the problem, as I store everything on an external drive. It just bothers me to have to re-do everything I set up on that computer. The damn thing makes it all the way through this deployment, until now. Seriously?

Two weeks left, Fuck it!

I decided to use lolcats today, because I was bored, and because they are awesome!

I want my computer back, it’s not the same without it. Things hadn’t been normal between us for a while, with that one awkward late night situation a few months ago, but I thought we got over it. I thought we moved on, and were cool. I said I was sorry, and you forgave me…. and now you do this!!

FUCK YOU COMPUTER! I don’t wanna play your games.

I leave Iraq in 12 days!