you snooze, you lose…

6 01 2009

I cannot wake up on time to save my life. Seriously, if the roof was on fire and people were screaming, i would be looking for the snooze button! What in the hell is wrong with me? I can’t get to sleep on time, and then when I do, I can’t wake back up. I don’t know what kind of sleep disorder that is, but I’m tired of it.

I sleep with two alarm clocks, and it still doesn’t get the job done. It used to be three alarm clocks, but one had to go as it failed to maintain the proper time (it’s one and only sole purpose for creation). I’ve toyed with all kinds of combinations, including setting them both for the same time, setting them at two minute intervals, setting them at five minute intervals, and even ten minutes apart, but nothing works. No matter what happens, or how long I have slept, the snooze button is getting used, and I end up rolling over last minute to find I have about ten minutes to get dressed, shave, brush my teeth and get to the bus… fuck me right!

I would ultimately blame this on my lack of motivation to get out of bed in this shit hole. An ever obvious lack of desire to go into work. I dread the long and lonely walk from the bus to the hangar, in the cold, just thinking to myself how much I don’t want to be here anymore. It’s a daily occurrence, and it happens to more people than just me, but they wake up on time. I need to come up with some ideas for a home made, real intense, high stakes alarm clock….

Here is what I have so far:

  1. I sleep on some sort of conveyor belt, and when the alarm goes off, it sends me barreling towards a giant razor blade chopping at the end of the belt. It’s wake up or die. Plus there’s this whole legal issue if someone else is in your bed with you and they don’t make it out on time.  – Still in development.
  2. A device that drops the air conditioner, which is conveniently placed directly over my head, onto my bed at set times – also still in development stages.
  3. Morning sex – only available at limited times with a limited person. *wink*
  4. Alcohol poisoning – you’ll be throwing up all morning.
  5. Morning sex – my mind is elsewhere…
A glance at the basic conveyor plans.

A glance at the basic conveyor plans.

So, in conclusion, I need help or a new highly motivating purpose. For example, flying, that would get me out of bed.

I have, while in the process of creating this, diagnosed myself via Wikipedia. That site makes me a genius. Here’s the verdict:

  • Narcolepsy: Excessive daytime sleepiness, often culminating in falling asleep spontaneously and unwillingly at inappropriate times. – this only occurs when I haven’t gotten enough sleep!

Anyway, I snooze and lose daily. At least I don’t totally sleep through my alarm by about 40 minutes on a daily basis, arrive late to work and miss meetings, that would suck!