amazon: an ever flowing river of deficit

16 01 2009

I have a confession, I’m an addict. It’s not drugs, I’m not a loser! It’s not alcohol, that’s more like a love for fine adult beverages (as my mother would say). It’s not gambling, although who doesn’t love that feeling when you get a seat at the final table in that poker tournament, I sure as hell do. No, it’s none of the normal things. I am addicted to shopping on Amazon.com. Don’t click on the link, it’s a trap!! Oh, but I did just find this awesome spiral twist floor lamp there, only $159. Fuck me, right?

it's so pretty....must buy

it's so pretty....must buy

Why does Amazon have to be so convenient? I mean, I can buy a bar set and bed set at the same place, and I did, and I can’t wait to get into those 1000 thread count sheets. They are gonna feel magnificent compared to the crap i sleep in now. Getting off subject though. Amazon, Fuck You! Why did you make me spend over $600 the other day? What do you think, I am made of money? Do you think you can just flash everything I am looking for, and then other things like it, that I now also want, in front of me? Do you expect me to buy it all? Well you should, because I will. Then I come to the page and they have recommendations for me, for me! Really, you guys took the time  to recommend things for me, oh well I just have to look now. I mean, you did go out of your way to make this the most personalized shopping experience ever.

huh...better investigate

huh...better investigate

Back to my sheets now, oh my god I can’t wait to sleep in my own bed again with nicer linens. Now I just need some nice bedroom furniture, maybe I’ll check out that link I posted up there. Amazon must have something in the way of bedroom furniture, oh, what’s this, they do! I’ll be damned. I also need some lighting. What do you know….they have that too. I can feel my wallet deflating already. I’m in Iraq, and supposed to be saving money. Up until now I have done a great job at that too. Maybe I’m just too excited about going home, but I must say it will be nice to have all these things waiting on me at the house when I get there. That is, if Izzy doesn’t steal it all, crafty Puerto Rican and his knife.

it better be as comfy as it looks!

it better be as comfy as it looks!

Please help me with my addiction, help me Tom Cruise. Help me Oprah Winfrey and your witch magic! I don’t support scientology fyi, it’s retarded.

Above all this though, I go home in 5 days! Oh yea, that’s right, fuck off Iraq, run your own damn country now.

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my BSOD adventures… and lolcats!

9 01 2009

Yes, that’s right, a blue screen of death. Not just any blue screen of death, “The Blue Screen of Death!!!” Oh I am pissed, this is gonna be either very expensive, very annoying, very time consuming, or all of the above. I’ll go with the latter. Perfect!

It started out as just another normal Wednesday afternoon. The power was out for 12 hours. It came back on finally, right as I was getting ready for bed. I wanted to get online, check emails and messages, browse scandalous pictures, and maybe write another blog, the topic of which I have forgotten in my rage. Everything was working just fine when I clicked on the start menu and BAM! The blue screen of death….

typical bsod situation, it's a technological black cat

typical bsod situation, it's a technological black cat

Granted, my laptop is getting old, it’s been over three years now. It’s just sad to see it come to this. Today is not a good day. Everything is piling up it seems, right at the end! I hope to somehow recover this error, although it seems to be pretty costly. I don’t have any definite answers to go off of. A new windows xp disk will cost upwards of $100, personal hard drive recovery software around $140, and don’t even get me started on the cost of having it professionally recovered. I’d hate to spend the money on one of these only to find that it’s not the problem.

double trouble. lol cats rock!

double trouble. lol cats rock!

Luckily, there was not too much important data on that hard drive, if that turns out to be the problem, as I store everything on an external drive. It just bothers me to have to re-do everything I set up on that computer. The damn thing makes it all the way through this deployment, until now. Seriously?

Two weeks left, Fuck it!

I decided to use lolcats today, because I was bored, and because they are awesome!

I want my computer back, it’s not the same without it. Things hadn’t been normal between us for a while, with that one awkward late night situation a few months ago, but I thought we got over it. I thought we moved on, and were cool. I said I was sorry, and you forgave me…. and now you do this!!

FUCK YOU COMPUTER! I don’t wanna play your games.

I leave Iraq in 12 days!





widgets defined

5 01 2009

actually widget has many definitions….

(n.) – a small bead-like device placed in the bottom of cans and bottles of beer to aid in the generation of froth.

(n.) – a placeholder name for an object or, more specifically, a mechanical or other manufactured device in economics.

(n.) – Nickname of the delta-shaped logo used by Delta Air Lines.

However, today I want to talk about the annoying kind of widgets…. Web widget, a physically-inspired applet on the web. Why you might ask? To that I ask, why do you want to know? Either read it, or don’t. Crisis averted! anyway….

Web Widget – (n.) portable chunk of code that can be installed and executed within any separate HTML-based web page by an end user without requiring additional compilation. They are derived from the idea of code reuse. Other terms used to describe web widgets include: gadget, badge, module, webjit, capsule, snippet, mini and flake.

Who in the fuck comes up with these names? I want a job like that, I could sit in a room and think of as many annoying and assanine names for one thing as I possibly could. I bet I’d make millions. Also, there are so many webjits out there it could drive you insane. That’s right, I changed it up and called it a webjit. You better memorize all those names in the definition or you will become lost very quickly.

These modules are everywhere, Myspace, Facebook, Apple, Xanga and even here on WordPress. Your head would be spinning if you tried to learn them all. Don’t get me wrong, a limited number of capsules are cool, and maybe even important.  Such as stock market info, flight info, or weather.  Otherwise, how many versions of a countdown clock, text scroller, or crush meter do I really have to look at during the day. In my opinion, people who overuse widgets on their Myspace or Facebook page need a new hobby. Go outside and ride a bike, read a book, donate plasma…whatever. I don’t want to see your countdown clock that tells me how much longer it is until Friday night, I am well aware!

Oh No! Save Us Please!

Oh No! Save Us Please!

The Top Widget Capsule Flakes I Hate:

  • Own Your Friends – Own me, I dare you! Your car will be on fire shortly there after.
  • Buy A Gift – Congrats, you just spent REAL money on a FAKE gift. If you go here there is a picture of a spider for sale if your interested. You must be.
  • Crush Meter – Guess what…someone is fucking with you!
  • Text Scroller – I can read just fine without you having to move the text in order for me.
  • Compare Your Movie Taste – Here’s an idea…watch a movie together and grow up!
  • Pass A Drink – Cheap. Buy me a real drink and we’ll talk.
  • What Kind Of Kisser Are You? – Let me think, my computer remembers that one time I kissed it when I was really really drunk and looking at Angelina Jolie pics, I don’t think any machine will know the answer to this.

Now, get this. Businesses are using widgets as marketing campaigns, relying on their “viral tendencies” to spread the word. One person displays the widget, and then all of that persons friends view and select “add to my page” or “add to my profile.” It seems very impersonable and a little bit cheesy to me. Whatever works for you though, no money out of my wallet.

Also beware that widgets are commonly used maliciously, as they can be created by anyone.

On the other hand, the bad always comes with the good. There are some pretty nifty gadgets out there to express yourself. Snippets such as bumper stickers, pieces of flair, and an assortment of online and popular mini games. It’s up to you, in my opinion, the widget world is flooded with crap.

I’ll take my widgets in a Guinness bottle please, you can have the rest. mMmMmMm Guinness!

Sources:

Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Business Week – Why Widgets Don’t Work